My Mama's Wedding
by Isannah
Summary: Bella barely escaped her mother's trailer trash life style. Now she's back to see Renee get married and everything else she's been missing out on all these years. 3rd Place Winner in the Trailer Trash Cullen One-shot Contest! Humor with a romantic twist!


**Hello, everyone! I entered this one-shot in the Trailer Trash Cullen Contest and I'm so happy to say that it won 3****rd**** Place! Thanks to all who voted for it, I truly appreciate it. It was so fun to write. I don't think I ever let my imagination run this wild! Hope you enjoy it!**

**Trailer Trash Cullen One-Shot Contest**

Title: My Mama's Wedding

Characters: Bella/Edward and the whole hillbilly gang

Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight.**

**BPOV**

In the famous words of Lightning McQueen: "I am in hillbilly hell."

Well, I wasn't quite there yet, but close enough. The pilot announced that we were beginning the final descent into Phoenix, Arizona, where the temperature at the moment was a lovely 118 degrees.

_Wonderful. A weekend full of frizzy hair and boob sweat._

Why had I left my home in Forks, a place that never reached triple digits, to go to one of the hottest places in the continental United States? That would be my mother's wedding, her fourth to be exact.

After my parents divorce when I was four, Renee moved us to Phoenix claiming that all we needed was a little sunshine in our lives. I missed my father, but I simply adored my mother. She was always doing something wild and crazy and it made our lives a heck of a lot of fun. We didn't have a lot of money, but we got by on the various jobs she would become employed at. She was the kind of mom that allowed ice cream for dinner when it was too hot to cook and would use a hair brush as a microphone to sing to me when I was sad. She made me laugh every day and I looked up to her in admiration.

As I grew up, it wasn't long before I realized a lot of other people looked at her too. I just thought they saw what I saw and were jealous of how lucky I was to have her. But when Emmett Cullen, one of my best friends at the time, had the nerve to call my mother a hoochie mama, I kicked him square in the balls and ran home to cry. My mom and his mom, Esme, worked at the Seven Eleven together and had become fast friends despite glaring differences that I can now see. In turn, I became really good friends with her kids. Emmett, Edward, Alice and I were inseparable for a good five years. So you would think I would be crying because someone I trust had just insulted my mom, but that wasn't the case. I cried because at middle school age I was finally figuring out that Emmett was indeed right. My mother was a hoochie mama.

She owed more spandex than the entire Nike Corporation and none of it was used for working out. Hell, she never exercised unless you counted stretching to reach something on a high shelf in the grocery story so that her midriff would show when there was a cute guy in the aisle. Most of her spandex was in some form of animal print and she had matching thongs to match. Her hair was always teased and bigger than life. She kept her blood red fingernails so long that buttons were impossible, hence the spandex. There was never a moment when she wasn't either chewing gum loudly or smoking a cigarette and she wore five inch red fuck me pumps everywhere. Even to take out the garbage.

My mother, Renee Swan, was one-hundred percent trailer trash. Granted we lived in very small rented house, not a trailer, but as soon as I figured out why everyone stared at her like a car accident on the side of the road, I decided I needed to find a way out. God, I loved her, but if I stayed with my mom I was going to be unmarried with two kids at age twenty, working right along side her at the Seven Eleven. And I would probably have my own supply of spandex. That alone sealed the fucking deal.

Circumstances were definitely on my side when I had my epiphany. First, I was going to be a freshman in high school and this would be the perfect time for me to go to new school without interrupting my education. Second, Renee was about to marry husband number three, Phil. It was the perfect way out. I explained to her that she needed time to 'enjoy her new relationship.' She wasn't too convinced so I had to pull out the big guns and explain to her that they could never have hot kitchen floor sex if I was always around. Yeah, at age fourteen, I was talking about kitchen floor sex with my mother. It was a conversation that I am still scarred from to this day, but it worked. The minute the image of fucking Phil on the floor flashed through her mind, she relented and allowed me to go live with my father in Forks.

Life with Charlie was completely different. As the chief of police, he was a respected member of the community. He was quiet, he didn't hover, and he was completely spandex free. I missed my mom, but had I not gone to live with Charlie, we wouldn't have become as close as we have. Also, in Phoenix, I was destined to become a social outcast. Even my good friends, whose mom was nothing like mine, were starting to show signs of turning on me. Here, I started out kind of a celebrity due to my dad's position. It was annoying at first, but after awhile I settled with a group of friends and have enjoyed a comfortable and completely normal four year high school experience. I had been planning on truly enjoying the summer before gearing up for college, but that plan came crashing down when I got a phone call from my mother about a month ago.

"Bella, baby, I'm getting married."

"I've heard that before." In fact, I had heard this twice before. Renee had never been lacking in the male companion department.

"Well, this one is different. You are just going to love him. He's so hot and he's successful too. He just became the assistant manager at Valvoline. We're so happy together, baby. You just have to be my maid of honor."

"Really, assistant manager? He sounds like quite a catch, Mom." Each word was dripping with sarcasm that I'm sure would go right over her poofed up hair.

"Yeah, right? We're so in love. Tell me you'll come down for my wedding. Please, Bella?"

And that is why I'm now here, in hillbilly hell.

The plane landed and I made my way past the security check point when I saw her. Leopard print spandex, check. Tight top accented with a wide belt, check. Big hair and make up rivaling a clown, check. Five inch fuck me heels, check and double check.

"Hi, mom." I embraced her as I reached her not caring at the moment that she looked like a hooker. I hadn't seen my mom in a long time and I had missed her. A lot.

"Bella, baby! Ain't you a sight for sore eyes? I've missed you. You're so grown up! Let me take a look at you." She stepped back and eyed me head to tow. "Oh, sweetie, you've filled out. About time, I thought you were going to be straight as a board forever."

And then she touched my breasts. With a squeeze to each. In the middle of the airport.

"Mom!" I pulled away and crossed my arms over my chest. "Can you not do that here…or anywhere for that matter?"

"I'm just so happy for you, baby. Boys like something to hang on to besides your ass. Trust me." This conversation needed to end now.

"So where's the groom to be?" Her eyes lit up and I knew all the boob talk was over for now at least.

"He went to park the car. He's meeting us at baggage claim. Let's go." She linked her arm through mine and tugged me in the right direction.

The bags were already on the carousel and I immediately saw mine come by. I went to grab it but stopped when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"I'll get that for you, Bellyballs." I knew that voice anywhere. I turned to see the most humungous man wearing cutoff jeans, cowboy boots, and a t-shirt that said 'I fuck on the first date.' He grinned and I froze. Before I could say anything he had stepped around me to grab the suitcase.

"Mom, why is Emmett Cullen here?" I whispered to here while he was at the carousel.

"Surprise! Ain't it just wonderful?" I looked at my mom in confusion. Was she trying to tell me…? Fuck, it simply was not possible. At least I didn't think so until Emmett set down the suitcase and went to my mom and put his arms around her. "Bella, Emmett's my fiancé.

Shut it the fuck down.

I couldn't speak. I just kept looking between the two of them trying to let it all sink in. My mom was marrying someone that shared the same school bus as me during middle school.

"Ne Ne, I think she has jet lag or something. Look at her, she's spaced out." Emmett started waving his hands in front of my face. "Bellyballs, Bel-lyballs. You okay in there?" I snapped out of it and scowled.

_Did he just call my mother Ne Ne? What the hell was up with the nicknames?_

"Don't call me that, Emmett."

"And why the hell not? It never bothered you before."

"I was six and you weren't marrying my mother back then." His face fell little but then recovered when he caught a glance at something over my shoulder. His smile got wide.

"Eddie, you made it man."

_Eddie?_

I looked behind me to see a very mature, very attractive Edward Cullen. His low riding dark wash jeans hugged him in all the right ways and his black t-shirt revealed that he too had filled out…a lot. He was different from the last time I had seen him, but I would recognize that mop of unruly coppery bronze hair and those expressive green eyes anywhere. Just from his appearance I knew he had done the same thing I had…escaped.

"Don't call me that, Emmett." He said as he gave Emmett a backslapping hug.

"And why the hell not. It never bothered you before?" Did we not just have this same conversation?

"I was twelve and I didn't realize what a douche you were back then. I go by Edward now."

"Is that what they call you at that hoity toity college?" Edward just shook his head. So that's why he's getting picked up at the airport. He's away at college, which makes sense seeing how he's a year older than me.

"Whatever, dude. Eddddwarrrrd it is." He elongated Edward's name to emphasize that he didn't like it. Edward ignored him.

"It's nice to see you again, Renee." Edward gave my mother a small hug before stepping back.

"The pleasure is all mine, sugar." And then my mother eye-fucked him. Yup, she eye-fucked her future brother-in-law right in front of her husband to be. Classic.

"And don't forget Bellyballs here. You remember her, don't ya Eddie?" Emmett had put his arm around me and was now nudging me towards Edward. I was already to greet Edward and he looked like he was moving closer to me, but then Emmett opened his big fucking mouth. "Go ahead, Belly, give your new Uncle Edddwarrrd a big hug."

Both of us stopped at the same time and made no more attempt to get any closer. I just gave Emmett a death glare and Edward muttered a "What the fuck' under his breath. With that, whatever greeting we were going to share was over and the four of us gathered the luggage and headed out of the airport.

I was settled in the backseat next to Edward in Emmett's awesome metallic green 1982 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme trying to will away some of the shock that had coursed through my body since I walked off the plane when my mother decided to speak. "You know Bella, it's so weird to think that you guys were all friends back in the day."

_Yeah, fucking understatement of the year._

"If someone had told me back then that we would be getting married in the future, well I don't think there would be a chance in hell I would have believed them." Emmett glanced over at my mother while he was driving.

"That's so harsh baby."

"Oh, please, Emmybear. You were so immature back then." I felt my blood boil all over again.

"That's because he was a kid. Don't you get it, Mom? This is the guy who taught me how to hawk a loogie ten feet into the air and then catch it in my mouth." My mother looked at me with a blank expression, clearly not getting what I was saying.

"Are you sure that's the _only_ thing he taught you? We should compare notes. I bet he's gotten so much better over the years." She actually fucking waggled her eyebrows at me.

"Oh…Mom..that…that…is just so…gross!"

"Well it's a possibility. You guys were close in age and hanging out together all the time. You mean to tell me you two never…experimented."

"Just stop Mom, you don't know what you're talking about."

"I hate to say I ain't never tapped that, Ne Ne. But she wanted me, didn't ya, Bellyballs."

"Oh for the love of God." I was at a loss on what to say but then I heard Edward chuckle. I turned and gave him a menacing look. "What the fuck are you laughing at, _Uncle Eddie_." The smile left his face and the chuckling turned into coughing.

"Uh, nothing."

"That's what I thought." I spent the rest of the ride with my iPod on and my eyes shut. This was going to be one long ass weekend.

We pulled up to the Cullen Estate, if that's what you could call it. There was one small main house and two trailers set up on the property. There was also a shitload of other stuff that littered the yard, mostly in the form of old cars or parts of old cars. I got out of the car and hadn't even shut the door when I was immediately assaulted by a huge slobbering beast that jumped up and started licking my face.

So gross.

"Down, Rubbers, down boy! Give Bellyballs a chance to get in the door before you give her some lovin." Emmett pulled off of me the massive Rottweiler by the collar and then proceeded to give him a big kiss. On the lips. Maybe with tongue, I'm not sure.

So _fucking _gross.

"You named your dog Rubbers?" Did I really want to know? Not really, but it was too late to do anything about my word vomit.

"Well, I got him as a guard dog so I wanted a name that meant protection. And what better form of protection is there than a pack of rubbers. Without his cock, a guy ain't nothing." The scary thing is that Emmett was a serious as a heart attack.

"I don't even know what to say to that." Edward, who still hadn't left for where ever he was staying, snorted as he laughed. I glared over in his direction. "I'd pipe down over there if you ever want to have a chance to use one." For the second time this afternoon the smile fell from his face.

"Yeah, I'm just going to um…I'll see you guys later." Edward slung his bag over his shoulder and headed towards the house about a football field away. With that settled, I turned towards what would be home for the next few days. My mom showed me to a small room in the trailer she and Emmett occupied and informed me that I had a couple of hours before the rehearsal dinner. I took advantage of the time by taking a short nap before getting cleaned up.

I don't know why it was called a rehearsal dinner. We didn't rehearse anything; we just did the dinner thing with an enormous amount of beer. It was held at a place with a rooster theme called 'Peckers.' When we got there the party was already in full swing. Emmett dragged my mom to the bar to do shots, who wanted me to join them, but I decided that I should just stick to the beer. I had never really gotten into the alcohol. I was just barely eighteen for crying out loud, not that any of the adults here cared.

"Holy shit! Bella, is that you?" I heard a high pitched voice behind me and I turned to see who it was as I took a swig of my beer. It was Emmett and Edward's little sister, Alice. She was about two years younger than me and we had always played together as kids. I knew I would probably see her this weekend and was looking forward to it, but what I hadn't been prepared for was the humungous belly protruding from her spandex covered midsection.

"Alice. It's good to see you. How are you?" I gave her a hug and she returned it with much enthusiasm.

"I am so great. And how about you? You look fantastic, by the way. I'd so kill for your body." What do you say in return to that, especially considering her condition? 'Yeah, thanks. I've kept my figure all these years by not getting pregnant as a teenager' probably wouldn't go over well. I finally gave up trying to come up with something that was even remotely appropriate and said the first thing that came into my mind without using my filter.

"Thanks. And you're… you're pregnant."

"Why yes I am. It's my first." She rubbed her belly lovingly.

_Yeah, like no shit. You're only sixteen._

"When are you due?" God, this was so awkward.

"The end of August. It can't come soon enough. Jasper says I look beautiful but all I see fat, fat, and more fat."

"Is Jasper the, uh, father?"

"Oh, he is more than that. He is the love of my life." Alice's eyes became all bright as she talked about this boy.

"Did I just hear you say something about the about the love of your life? Where is he so I can kick his ass?" A boy with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and the longest mullet I've ever seen came up behind Alice and slapped her on the ass. He couldn't have been more than sixteen himself and yet he had a beer in his hands.

"Oh, God, Jasper, don't do that. You're going to make me pee my pants." She playfully slapper his shoulder. "Jasper, this is Bella, Renee's daughter. Bella, this is my Jasper.

"This is Bellyballs? Damn, you're fucking hot. Eddie wasn't kidding."

_Whoa, back up the train. Edward said I was hot?_

"It's nice to meet you, Jasper. He wiped his hand on his jeans before shaking my extended hand.

"You too, Bellyballs." I internally cringed at the nickname that Emmett had been apparently been spreading. Jasper turned his attention to Alice by giving her a good groping. "Hey sweetness, you got any money? Emmett's taking bets on how long before Rosie gets drunk enough to give your dad a blow job under the table."

"Sure sweetie. Just make sure you put me ten down for me at nine-thirty." She reached into her bra and pulled out some cash. "She's so hammered already. I have a feeling it will be earlier than usual tonight." Jasper took the money, wrapped his arms around her and gave her a kiss before whispering something in her ear. She giggled.

"Jasper, stop that. You know that talk like makes me want to drop my panties right here and now. It's not fair. Now go and make me some money." She watched his ass as he walked away. "Adorable, ain't he?

"Very. You're a lucky girl, Alice." I meant it. He appeared to be a nice guy and totally in love with her. It was more than I had in my life at the moment. The slightest pang of jealousy tugged at my insides.

"And he fucks like a truck. He's so smooth and it doesn't even bother me that he likes ending our love making with a dutch oven."

_Okay, not so jealous anymore._

"So, your dad is seeing someone?" I looked over to where Carlisle was sitting at the bar smoking a cigarette. He had gotten a bit older since I'd seen him last. His full head of hair had gone gray and he had grown a scraggily mustache and full beard that he had wrapped in a rubber band. Many years of drinking had resulted in a beer belly that was accentuated by his flannel button-down shirt. Normally one would question why anyone would where flannel in Phoenix, but apparently if you cut the sleeves off the shirt it's perfectly good desert attire. A blond bombshell dressed in a red sequined tube top and the shortest and tightest pair of daisy dukes was rubbing Carlisle's stomach while sucking on his earlobe. Her one leg was hitched over his lap. She looked to be about Emmett's age. Maybe a little bit older, but not much.

"Yeah, he sort of turned into a whore after my mom left, but it seems he found what he was looking for in Rosie. Her three kids are just the cutest things."

"Three kids?" I couldn't believe she had given birth to three children with body like that.

"Trevor, Travis, and little Trixie. They're with their fathers right now but they'll be here tomorrow for the wedding." It did not escape me that she said fathers, as in plural. I didn't even want to know and refrained from asking any details. "I really hope she sticks around. It would be so awkward for Jasper and me if they broke up."

"Awkward, why would it be awkward?

"Rosie is Jasper's sister, silly." So Carlisle is dating his daughter's boyfriend's sister. And she has three children with more than one man. This was just too much. I had to get out of there for awhile.

"Okay, then. Oh, look, my cup's empty. I need another drink. I think I'll go to the bar. Can I get you anything Alice? Water? Orange juice?" I was praying that she wouldn't say a beer.

"Nah, I'm good."

"Okay, I'll see you later then."

"Of course you'll see me, Bella. You're going to be the sister I never had. Wait a minute; actually I'll be your aunt." She scrunched her eyes in thought. "Well, whatever, we're going to be family anyway. I guess it doesn't matter exactly how, huh?

"Yeah, family. Sounds great." I let out a nervous chuckle before turning around and heading straight for the door. The coolness of the night air hit me and I felt like I could start to breathe again. I wandered over to Emmett's car and put my hands flat on the hood as I hung my head down. I just needed a minute to regain my composure before going back in.

"A little overwhelming, isn't it." My head snapped up to see that Edward was sitting in the car next to Emmett's.

"You could say that." We sort of sized each other up for a moment before he spoke again.

"Wanna join me for a bit?" It's true he had done nothing but annoy me since we both got here, but for some strange reason, there was nothing in the world that I wanted more in that instant.

"Okay." I opened the passenger side door and shut it behind me once I was in. He was staring at me with an intensity that made me slightly nervous. He ran his hand through his hair. He seemed to be nervous too.

"So Bella, how have you been?" And that was all it took to break the ice. For the next two hours we sat in that car and told each other what had been happening in our lives since I had left before freshmen year. I told him all about life in Forks and he told me about the aftermath of his parents divorce. His mother had finally had enough living like a redneck. After Esme left, his father fell apart and things changed drastically. Carlisle quit his job and moved the boys out of town. The all male household slowly went into a downward spiral and soon they had completely fallen off the social ladder. Edward had felt like me, but hadn't been able to make his escape until he left Phoenix last fall to attend college in Chicago to study music.

Time flew as Edward and I commiserated about our family situations. Rosie was about twenty years younger than Carlisle so Edward had already been through this once. He knew how I felt and it was easy to talk to him about it. I had never been able to discuss my mother with anyone without sounding like a judgmental bitch, but Edward understood me. And I understood him. It's not that we didn't love our family members, we did tremendously. It's just that their lifestyle bugged the shit out of us and we knew it wasn't what either of us wanted out of life.

"Oh shit, look." Edward pointed towards the front of the building. Emmett was pushing his way out bar while Renee was clinging on to him with her legs wrapped around his waist and her lips attached to his neck. They were both wasted and didn't even notice us as Emmett stumbled to his car and proceeded to throw my mother into the back seat as she squealed with delight. The windows were open, unfortunately.

"Fuck Ne Ne. You look so goddamn tasty and I got the fucking munchies." That did it. I need to leave before my eyes and ears melted to my head. I turned my head towards Edward and my look must have said it all.

"We're getting the fuck out of here, now." I put my hands over my ears and squeezed my eyes shut as Edward started the car and backed out of the parking space. I don't know where he was going and I didn't care, as long it was far away from fuck fest that was going on in Emmett's back seat, which by the way I would never sit in again.

He brought us back home and I must say I was a little disappointed. I had been enjoying my time with Edward. He turned off the car in front of the house and looked at me. "No one's home yet. Do you want to come in for awhile?" As much as I did, I wasn't quite sure it was a good idea. If Rosie was willing to give Carlisle a blow job _in_ the bar, I couldn't imagine what kind of fucked up shit they would do at home. I didn't want to be anywhere near them to find out.

"I think I'm just going to go to bed. It's been a long day and I don't want to even think about tomorrow. I'm going to need my strength." Edward laughed.

"Fair enough. How about I walk you to your place?" He looked down. Then slowly and tentatively he reached for my hand and entwined it with his. As soon as he took it there was this electric feeling that spread warmth all the way up my arm. It was…nice.

"I think I would like that." He smiled as he pulled me toward Emmett's trailer.

"You know, I kind of had a crush on you when we were kids." He admitted after we were about half way there.

"You did? Why didn't you say anything?"

"I wanted to, believe me. But by the time I worked up the nerve, you had already left."

"Oh." I didn't know what else to say. We walked the rest of the way in silence until we were in front of the trailer. "Well, this is me." Edward turned to face me but didn't let go of my hand.

"Bella, I need to do something before you tell me not to. I promise to apologize after." Before I could ask him why he was talking crazy he cupped my face with his free hand and focused his gaze on my lips. As he moved in I could see his eyes close and his mouth open slightly. Unable to fight the desire in me, I closed my eyes and waited for his lips to reach mine. They were soft but firm and they molded to mine like they were made just for me. As the kiss intensified, his tongue sneaked into my mouth and did wonderful things to mine. Hillbilly hell was turning out to be heaven.

He pulled back and then gave me two chaste kisses before speaking. "I've been wondering what it would be like to do that since I was in the sixth grade. I'm sorry if I was too forward. I just needed to know."

Dazed and confused I started sputtering like an idiot. "I uh, you…no apology…so good." His quiet laughter brought me out of my incoherent stupor. "What I mean to say is that no apology is needed. You uh, had to do what you had to do, right? Okay, I'm going to go to bed. I'll see you tomorrow?" I nearly tripped on the step as I made my way to the door. I needed to get inside so I would stop my rambling.

"Okay, Bella. See you tomorrow. Good night." I watched as he walked back to his father's house with his hands stuffed into his pockets.

What the hell was I doing?

~o~o~O~o~o~

The next morning I was woken up by the most god awful noise. It sounded like a really loud leaf blower. I looked at the clock and saw that it read seven-thirty. I really didn't get a lot of sleep due to the disgusting noises coming from my mother in the middle of the night. Trailer walls were way too thin.

_What the fuck is making all that noise this early in the morning?_

I decided to get up and get some coffee. It wasn't like I was going to be able to sleep anyway. "Mom. Mom!" I called out as I made my way down the hall. I wanted to give enough notice just in case Emmett was walking around in his skivvies. The thought of seeing that was enough to make me throw up in my mouth a little.

"In here, sweetie." There in the kitchen stood my mother pouring herself a cup of coffee. She was dressed in a tank top and a tiny pair of boy shorts that said 'sexy' across the ass. Her hair was in total disarray and she had her makeup on from last night. "Coffee?" She offered as she got a mug out of the cupboard. I tried to ignore the fact that it was in the shape of a naked woman and concentrate on the liquid inside that would be my savior.

"Thanks. What is that noise? It's so loud?"

"Oh, the church arrived. They're blowing it up."

_The church is being blown up? What the fuck?_

Not wanting an explanation from my mother I looked outside the window. Sure enough, what was starting to take the form of a huge inflatable church was sitting outside. It was like the honest to God mother of all bounce houses.

_Good. Fucking. Grief._

"Is this for real?"

"Of course it is, sweetie. I'm getting married in a castle! Isn't it exciting? I wanted to get married in a church but Emmett wanted to get married here, so we compromised. His daddy knows this guy who brings this church all over the place. We really lucked out that it wasn't booked today." She looked so excited I didn't have the nerve to burst her bubble…or blow up church.

"So is a reception hall on the way?" This was the first time I was hearing any of the wedding details. I looked out the window expecting to see an inflatable banquet house pull up.

"Oh the reception ain't gonna be here. It's where we first met."

"And where was that exactly?" I was curious to hear how my mother and Emmett got together.

"At the Waffle House on Chandler Boulevard. I was working there and he was one of my regular customers. One day he ordered a huge stack and ate them all except for the last waffle which he took bites so it looked like a heart. Then he took syrup and wrote his phone number along with the words 'Call me, hotness' on the table. It was so romantic I almost came on the spot. The rest is history."

_Why on earth did I fucking ask? I should know by now never to ask…about anything._

"That's really great, Mom." I wanted to say something more supportive, but I had nothing.

"Now, I want you to go hop in the shower. Alice, Rosie, and Trixie will be here any minute to start getting ready. It's gonna take awhile."

There had never been truer words.

Six hours later I could honestly say I had been through the worst torture of my life. Alice and Rosie arrived wielding massive amounts of makeup, five plus cans of Aqua Net, hot rollers, and a curling iron. I tried to let them just do what they wanted because this was my mother's wedding and I wanted her to be happy. Also, anything they did to me would just make me slightly fit in better with the rest of the group. But when they showed me the bridesmaid dress that I had no input in picking out, I just about went into cardiac arrest. Renee had chosen gold spandex spaghetti strap dresses for all three bridesmaids. They had guessed on what size I would wear and sure enough, it was a size too fucking small, even though they all to assure me it fit like a glove.

_Yeah, maybe O.J. Simpson's._

The dress was so tight and so damn short you could see my black garter straps as they attached to black stockings that had a seam running up the back. The outfit was topped off with five inch shiny gold fuck me pumps. All I needed was a few single dollar bills and my pole and I was set to go.

Despite everything, I looked okay in the dress. Well, no, not really. The dress was hideous, but it would be hard not to look good next to Alice. Gold spandex and eight months pregnant just do not mix. But Rosie, she made that dress look so good a prostitute would be jealous. Rosie's youngest, four year old Trixie, was a smaller, but spitting image of her mom. She was supposed to be a flower girl but she looked more like she should be entered in a Future Sluts of America pageant.

The church, I'll admit, was very pretty from the outside, but the inside was plain motherfucking hot. Midday Phoenix and inflatable plastic was just a very dangerous combination. It was like an oven baking us all from the insides out. I peeked down the aisle and saw that the guests were actually having a difficult time sitting on the pews. Their sweat coupled with the general lack of clothing made the plastic slippery. Every time someone moved there were squeaking noises that sounded like someone removing themselves from the vinyl of a hot car.

Emmett and his groomsmen were already at the head of the aisle by the blow up altar. Renee had wanted a Chippendales type look so they were all wearing black tuxedos, gold bowties and cummerbunds, and no shirts.

That's right, I said it. No shirts. At all.

I had been told about the boys' attire while we were getting ready, but nothing prepared me for what it would actually look like. Even Rosie's boys were without shirts. I couldn't see everything from way far back, but from where I stood I could tell that Edward was uncomfortable with the clothing situation. Suddenly, I felt like we were somewhat on the same level and I didn't feel utterly exposed. We both looked absolutely ridiculous.

A lovely organ rendition of Guns and Roses' _November Rain_ started to play signaling that we were supposed to start the processional down the aisle. Trixie started by dropping rose petals as she walked. She was followed by Rosie and then Alice. Before I was supposed to go, I turned around to my mother. She, of course, was wearing white lace spandex. It was strapless and it was very short, but it didn't matter. The look of true love and happiness on her face made her absolutely radiant.

"Mom, I'm really happy that you're happy. I love you."

"Oh, baby. I love you too, always." She hugged me and I hugged her back. I had missed her all these years. She pulled back and cupped my face as we smiled at each other for a moment. "Now tell me honestly, is everything tucked in where it should be?"

Yup, moment over.

"I'm not really quite sure what you mean by that, but I will say you look beautiful and perfect."

"Thanks, baby. Now go. It's your turn." I smiled at her and started my journey down the walk of shame. In order to not think about tripping on my ungodly high heels, I focused on Edward. The closer I got the more I liked Renee's no shirt idea. Even in the get up, he was deliciously beautiful. Of course there was the gorgeous sex hair and the piercing green eyes, but come to find out, Uncle Eddie had an eight pack that was currently glistening in sheen of sweat.

_Uncle Eddie? What the fuck, Bella? You need to stop saying that. You've said it twice and that is two times way too many._

As I got closer I saw him look me up and down from head to toe. When his eyes finally reached mine, and it took a hell of a long time to get there, he looked a little dazed. It was nice to know that I wasn't the only one enjoying the scenery. I took my place next to Alice. As Renee started to walk down the aisle, everyone stood and turned to see her, but not Edward. He continued to stare at me and in return, I stared at him. He smiled and winked at me as my mother reached Emmett. I may have licked my lips a little, once again removing the smirky smile from Edward's face as he gulped. It was probably a little tacky considering the event, but hey, when it Rome…

The ceremony itself was beautiful even though Emmett had dropped the f-bomb five times during his vows. However, I think I was the only one who wondered if it was sacrilegious to swear in a church, even if that church could double as a carnival ride. No one even flinched. They did cheer on Emmett like spectators at a cock fight when the minister said he could kiss the bride and he practically molested my mother right there on the altar. Renee didn't seem to mind at all. In fact, it looked like she liked it…a lot.

After a thousand and one pictures we all headed over to the Waffle House for the reception. Some guy who introduced himself as Cousin Felix offered to give me a ride but I was pretty sure he wasn't talking about in his car. Thank God Edward was near by and saved me by letting Cousin Felix know that Renee had personally asked him to make sure I got to the reception on time and that he had no intention of breaking that promise. Now, I know for a fact that my mother asked no such thing, but what did I care. I wasn't going anywhere with Cousin Felix.

As soon as the car was moving, Edward took my hand and brought it up to his lips to place a kiss on the back before resting it on the console. "You look beautiful today."

"I look trampy."

"Maybe, but trampy is a good look on you." I snapped my hand away from his.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I was pissed.

"Shit, Bella, not how it sounded, okay? I know you're just dressed this way because of your mom, just like I'm dressed this way because of my brother. This is not who we are. I know you're not trampy, and I don't care what you wear. You've always been pretty to me." God, I was stupid.

"I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little sensitive. I wouldn't be caught dead like this anywhere else."

"No need to apologize. I guarantee we'll be the most inconspicuous people there. Let's just not worry about what we look like and just have some fun. I want to enjoy what time we have left." Edward was right. I wasn't sure what this was, but I did know that I was really liked him and I enjoyed spending time with him.

"You're right. This is a party. Let's go get our freak on." I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. It was almost like I was channeling Alice.

"Okay, that was a little too much." Edward parked the car and looked at me.

"You think." I said in my most fake shocked tone.

"Come here, you goofy girl." He said as he pulled me close and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. I wanted more but he pulled away. "We better get inside before the newlyweds get here. I don't even want to know what they're doing in the limo."

"Good call. Let's go." He jumped out of the car and ran to the other side to help me out.

The inside of the Waffle House looked like a party store threw up in it. Every available surface was covered in as many wedding decorations as possible. Some of the guests were sitting in the booths, some of them were at the makeshift bar at the counter, and some of them were milling about waiting for the food to come around. A head table had been put together and placed towards the back of the restaurant. I assumed that this is where the bridal party was going to sit, which was good because if I didn't get off these heels my feet were going to fall off.

"Do you want a drink?" Edward asked as I took my seat at the table.

"Yes, many of them." I replied.

"My kind of girl." He smiled before heading off for the bar. I took the opportunity to take in some of the finer details. A DJ was set up in a corner and there was a small dance floor where some tables had been moved. Near the head table a smaller table was set up that held the wedding cake, if you can call it a cake. It consisted of a huge tower of at least a hundred waffles sitting in a pool of syrup that flowed from a nearby fountain waterfall thingy. On top sat a bride and groom figurine. Each booth and table had a paper table cloth and favors at every plastic place setting. I picked mine up to get a closer look. It was a shot glass with the date on it and the saying 'Plastered Together: Emmett and Renee.' I rolled my eyes at the tackiness of it.

"What you got there?" Edward had made his way back with two beers…each. I held up the shot glass so that he could read it. "Wow, that's…"

"You don't even need to say it, I know." Edward sat down and we spent the next thirty minutes just getting caught up in our own little world. It was so easy to talk to him and he was so funny. I didn't even realize that the place had filled up and even Emmett and Renee had arrived, finally. As hard as I tried, I couldn't stop staring at the huge purple hickey that was now settled on my mother's neck and spreading. Emmett had one huge fucking mouth.

_He's officially your stepdad. Don't think about his mouth, ever._

I shook my head to dispel the thought and went about enjoying the rest of the reception, which oddly enough, was turning out to be quite fun. The atmosphere was jovial and people were having a good time dancing and drinking. The food was, well let's just say I never knew you could do so many things with cheese and sausage, but the guests seemed to be enjoying it. The best part about the whole thing was that my mom was really, really happy. Her laughter was infectious and her smile was genuine as she and Emmett celebrated with their guests.

Edward and I had danced several times before dinner was served. We talked and laughed as if we the separation had never happened. He asked me what my plans were for next fall and I told him about being accepted to Washington State University, but wasn't sure if it was going to be the place for me. He suggested that I look into Northwestern, where he went, if my choice didn't work out. I joked about how I would probably annoy the heck out of him and he'd get real sick of me real fast if I were that close, but he didn't laugh along with me. Suddenly he became very serious and he stopped moving with the music.

"Don't say that. I think it could be very good…for both of us." He spoke very quietly. His intense gaze into my eyes and I knew there was more to this for him than just a weekend fling.

"Edward, we just met…" He cut me off.

"We've know each other for years."

"Yeah, but…"

"But what, Bella? I know my feeling because I've lived with them ever since the day you left. I'm not asking you to make any decisions now. Let's just see where this takes us. Maybe one day, it will take you to Chicago to be with me. If not, at least I know I tried."

He was being so sincere and I wanted to tell him what he wanted to hear, but I knew it would be very irresponsible of me. I had plans, plans that I had thought out very carefully. I was enrolled in a school of my choice and was about to start my future. There was no denying I had thought fondly of Edward over the years. He had definitely peaked my interest when I had hit my teens and even now, four years later there was no doubt I was extremely attracted to him.

_But could I risk everything to be in a relationship with Edward?_

I never got to think about the answer to that question or respond to Edward's confession. Dinner, rather breakfast, was about to be served.

"Just think about it, okay?" I still didn't have the right words so I just nodded my response. Edward put a sweet kiss on my forehead before leading me off the dance floor. The mood lightened considerably when we reached the table. Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper were playing quarters with the wedding favor shot glasses and immediately got Edward to join in. The game was, however, forgotten completely when the food showed up. A variety of breakfast foods were placed on the table family style. Alice immediately stood up and started loading up her plate before anyone had a chance. We all just looked at her.

"I'm pregnant and I'm hungry, so back off bitches." No one even dared to take her on. Not even Emmett.

Okay then.

Once we all got a chance to fill our plates, we settled into eating. I had not eaten since early that morning and was hungrier than I thought. So focused on my food, I didn't hear the commotion coming in through the door until it was right in front of the head table.

"Charlotte, what the hell are you doing here?" I heard Emmett say to a frizzy blond with tight stonewashed jeans, a short white tank top, and hot pink bra.

"I just had to see this for myself. You really went off and married the skank." The smile that had been on Renee's face fell.

_Excuse me; did she just call my mother a skank?_

"That's right, I did. She's more than a woman than you'll ever be. And she ain't a hussy like you." Emmett had stood up and was in a standoff with this woman. The whole Waffle House went silent.

"I ain't no fucking hussy." She poked his chest with her figure with every word.

"Oh really? Hey everyone, listen up?" When Emmett was satisfied that he had everyone's attention he went on. "How many of you out there fucked Harlot Charlotte here while we were still dating? Don't worry, you can be honest. I won't be mad." The hands of about twelve men and three women slowly rose. He turned back to the girl. "Seems fucking hussyish to me."

"Emmy, they're lying. You know it was only ever you. That whore will never keep a man like you satisfied. We all know you'll eventually be dragging your ass back to me where it belongs."

"Fuck that, Charlotte. I don't want you. You gotta get the fuck out of here."

"And what if I don't want to? I'm sure Eddie wants me to stay. Don't you, Eddie? We could be real good together, you and me." She looked to Edward with these big puppy dog eyes that were caked with mascara and gave him a slow wink. He, I must say, was utterly horrified.

"No, Charlotte. I don't think I want you to stay either." He was trying to be polite. She noticed how close to me he was sitting.

"It's because of_ that _slut isn't it?" She looked right at me. "You really fucking that? What a waste." And then without another word she reached with both hands and took a huge clump of the waffle wedding cake in each, basting them in the syrup. Everything around me started moving in slow motion.

Charlotte raised her hands in the air with a look of determination. The wedding guests gasped. My mother was shaking her head and screaming 'no' at the top of her lungs. Edward stood up defensively. And then Charlotte brought her arms down a forward motion hurling the dripping handfuls of waffles and syrup.

Right. Fucking. At. Me.

Bits of the gooey mess were in my hair, on my face, all over my dress, but I couldn't move. For a second, the whole place stopped and stared at me. Tears of embarrassment started to form in my eyes and I could feel myself breaking down. Edward tried to wipe me off but all that did was shred the napkins as they stuck to the syrup.

"I wouldn't bother, Eddie. Whores like her like it sticky." Edward stopped trying to clean me up and it looked like he was literally kick the shit of her, but before he had a chance to say anything, someone from the other end of the table stood up in a frenzy.

"That's it you fucking bitch!" Rosie yelled right before she launched herself over the table and pummeled Charlotte to the ground. "You wanna start a food fight? Well, eat shit you cocksucking slut!" Rosie had taken the handful of eggs that she had grabbed and started shoving it into Charlotte's mouth while sitting on top of her. Charlotte tried to fight back but was unsuccessful because apparently she was no match for Bad Ass Rosie.

It wasn't long before the whole place started chanting 'Fight! Fight! Fight!' over and over again. Alice joined in by taking plates of food and dumping them all over Charlotte. Even little Trixie helped out by pulling on her bad hair extensions. Finally, when all of them were covered from head to toe with various foods, Carlisle and Jasper pulled their respective women off Charlotte. The crowd changed their chant to 'Harlot Charlotte! Harlot Charlotte!' as she ran out the front door. When the door shut, everyone cheered, including Edward and me.

Once things died down, I could hear Emmett tell my mother she was sorry for ruining her wedding. She just smiled at him. "We got hitched. Nothing could ruin this day." They kissed passionately and everyone cheered again. My mother was in love and I was so happy for her.

"Well, c'mon. This here is a party, ain't it? So let's party!" Emmett declared that the bar and the dance floor were officially open and he led the way to both. Rosie and Alice went to the restroom to clean up. They asked if I wanted help getting all the syrup off of me, but Edward said he was going to run me home real quick because I had gotten the worst of it.

The car ride was completely silent. I don't think Edward knew what to say thinking that the whole episode was a little traumatic for me. I spent the time replaying in my mind over and over again what had happened. When he shut off the car, he turned to face me.

"Bella, are you okay?" I continued to look forward. A smile started to form on my lips and I turned my head to face him.

"I just survived my first Jerry Springer quality fight. Edward, I'm better than okay." I couldn't help it. I started to giggle. As the giggling turned to chuckling, Edward also started to chuckle. The next thing I knew we were both laughing hysterically. Our bellies hurt and the tears were pouring out of our eyes.

"You sure did, beautiful."

"I just wish I hadn't froze and contributed to the ass kicking a little more. I feel like I pussied out." This elicited another belly laugh from Edward and I followed, clutching my stomach from the glorious pain.

"Maybe next time. Come on, let's get you cleaned up." He jumped out of the car and before he could get around to the other side to help me, I opened my door. However, I wasn't able to get out because I was immediately pinned inside by none other than Rubbers. He started using his monstrous tongue to start licking the syrup off me.

"Get off me you fucking mutt." I screamed as Edward ran to my side to help remove the dog. Once he pulled him off, he grabbed me and hoisted me up over his shoulder making sure I was up out of the reach of Rubbers.

"Hold on, Bellyballs." Edward raced towards the door of the trailer with Rubbers close on his heels. I heard myself shrieking all the way. In one big motion, he reached the door, tripped, and we both fell to the carpet with him on top of me. Edward kicked the door shut to make sure Rubbers would stay outside as we both started laughing again.

Edward didn't move off of me as our laughing died down to nothing more than heavy breathing. We looked into each other's eyes and didn't speak for what seemed like ages. Finally, Edward broke the silence by bringing his lips to mine and kissing the holy fuck out of me. This was nothing like the sweet kiss of last night. This was pure and unadulterated lust and I felt it too. There was grabbing and pulling and touching and caressing as our hands explored each other. I wanted him. I needed him.

Unfortunately, the reality of the situation hit home when Edward tried to run his fingers through my hair and almost scalped me. Between all of the hair care products and the syrup, my hair was an awful disgusting mess. My painful yelp was enough to bring both Edward back to the here and now.

"Bella, is this what you really want? Because I want this, but only if you do and not on the floor of Emmett and Renee's trailer. You are too good for that. And I know it's too soon, but when I think that we may not see each other for a long time, I just want you even more. But not just like that, I want all of you." He was so cute when he was nervous and rambling. His plea from before had got me thinking and I knew that I could never walk away without seeing what could develop between us.

But that didn't deter me from having a little fun with him.

"You know, Edward, maybe we shouldn't do this." I could tell by his expression he was disappointed but was trying hard to show it. He was ready to respect my decision. "I mean, as of right now I'm _officially_ your niece. Wouldn't that be a little, you know, incestuous?" I looked at him with the most innocent face I could muster. He caught on to my bullshit right away. The disappointed was replaced with a devilish grin.

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time for our families and probably not the last. I say…" He began kissing my neck soundly and shivers ran down my spine. "…if you can't beat 'em, fucking join 'em."

With that logic, who was I to argue? So I joined 'em and never looked back.

**I would love to know what you think. Please review and I won't send Rubbers after to you for a big ol' doggy slobber! Hehe!**


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